Unofficially Mine (I Love My Crazy BestFriend Part II)

10 Apr

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This is a sequel of my old blog (I Love My Crazy BestFriend).

“Now I decided to stay away, till the pain goes away. Until the old us will be back. I know it’s not easy to do it. But for now that is the only way that I can think of which will be better for both of us. And maybe its crazy but I’m still hoping that someday, when the right time comes, we will find ourselves together with a happy ever after…..  “- this is my last paragraph on my old blog and that was 2 months ago. Did I moved on? My answer is NO, 2 months is not enough for me to forget my crazy best friend. But within these 2 months there were lots of things happened…

So, I told him to stop communicating with me and stop seeing me. It is as if we never met and I’ve never existed. At first he did not believe me, he even asked me: Are you serious or that was just a practice? But when I started not to reply on his messages, that was the time he found out that I’m serious about it. Again only one thing was clear right that moment, PAIN. It’s so hard to do these things to him when what I really want is to stay with him forever. Despite of this, he kept on sending me some messages, as if telling me how he missed me and how hard it was without me.

The last thing I want to do is to hurt him and from what I did, I hurt him again. I hate those things that could hurt him and I hated myself for that. I decided to send him a message and I don’t know what happened on that night, I want to cry because I missed him so much, my crazy best friend that I’ve learned to love more than a best friend. That night, I promised to stay on his side and I will never do what I did. I promised that I will never leave him again. And that night he told me that he will hold on to my promise and I will always stay in his mind and in his heart. That message from him made me cry. And yes, no matter what happened he will always be my crazy best friend.

Then after that magical night, we became more sweet with each other. We are seeing each other more often. His messages were sweet. I know something was wrong. And maybe I’m bad, I want to think that he has a girlfriend but whenever he is sweet I always forget everything. And yes in our situation today we don’t know what is the difference between a best friend and a girlfriend.

Then one day he told me that, he loves me and he can’t give me up. He told me that he will fix everything so that he will be officially mine. Right that moment I understand him. He needs some time and courage to tell his girlfriend. I maybe selfish but I won’t give up on us. The moment I will give up is when my crazy best friend gave up on me. But for now I will hold on to his promise that he will fix everything and in the end he will be with me and we will have a happy ever after.

I Love My Crazy BestFriend

5 Feb

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Have you fall in love with a friend or a best friend? Did you ever had the chance to tell him or her? Or you rather chose your friendship?

Here is a story from the past that will surely touch your heart.

It was the 1st week of February, the so called Heart’s Month! The month that is not really intended for single like me. But this year is different as compared to previous years. Well congratulations to me, I’m not only celebrating this month as a single lady but a broken hearted girl! And maybe this will never be my month! I can still feel the pain while I’m on my way at work. I’m listening to some musics on my phone and trying to ask myself if it was really my fault. And suddenly I don’t know what to do, If I will just avoid him or continue the friendship that we established. Then I just found myself reminiscing the past…

I’m @SM Clark and I’m waiting for the brother of my friend. Weeks ago he just added me on Facebook and that was the time that her sister told me some stories about him. As if on queue he just send me a private message and I did some little chat with him. He got my number and I found him easy to talk with. I’m meeting him now for the 1st time, he asked me to join him to watch a movie that he really wants to watch and I don’t know why I said yes to him when I already watched the movie with my cousin and I have to wait for another 3 hours because he will be out from work after 3 hours. Maybe because he is my friend’s brother. After 1 hour, 2 hours then 3 hours… he is already standing in front of me handing me our drinks and chips. And he just ask me to wait and he will buy movie tickets. I wonder why he knew it was me, maybe because of my pictures on FB?

We actually enjoy the movie. It seems that we’ve known each other for so many years. He is asking me about the ending and I just said “secret” because I don’t want to be a spoiler. After the movie, we went to Mc. Donald’s. And suddenly we are talking as if we are best friends, he is sharing some part of his life which I know very hard to share especially with a person that you just met. He told me all his happiness, his pains and his heartaches. Once and a while I’m sharing some part of my life story too. After that day I know that he will be one of my best friends. It’s not about the length of time we know each other but the feelings and compatibility that we shared that day.

Days passed by, then months… We’ve been very close to each other. I introduced him to my parents and he introduced me to his parents. Every now and then we go out with his workmates and with some of his friends. He is always invited on every occasions in our house. Then one day he told me, “what if I will court you?” it took minutes before I answered him. I just came from a 3 years relationship and enjoying my single life again. But those are not the reasons why I can’t allow him to court me. I am totally moved on with my past but the fact that I hurt him so much haunts me, suddenly I’m afraid not for myself but for him. What if I will just hurt him just like what happened with my ex-boyfriend? I can’t take that because I know he’s been through a lot of pain before. I don’t want to be the reason of his heart aches again. So I decided to stay with the friendship. I told him that I’m happy for what we are right now. And he respects that. I’m glad he did. Nothing has changed. He is still my crazy best friend.

After 4 months he told me that he is courting someone. A workmate that loves him so much. I am so happy for him. Because finally he  turned his attention to that girl. Though he said he still loves me and I’m the one that he really likes. I told him to concentrate with the girl because if not, he will just hurt her feelings.

Then weeks passed by, its as if the joke was on me. I don’t know what happened to me. I just woke up one day that I’m already in love with him. That one day I asked him to help me to do jogging, I just want to hug him because I missed him so much and I’m not like that before. When he said goodbye that day, I just want to ask him to stay a little bit longer then realization hit me. I am now in love with my crazy best friend! I tried to hide it. But whenever he is telling me about the girl and the status of his courtship there is this familiar hurt in my heart. That somehow I want to tell him, “Please come back to me” , that I’m so sorry for taking for granted his feelings before. God knows how I regret that day. If I could just turn back the time.

With the help of our common friends I told him what I feel. Wishing that its not too late… but he can’t hurt the feelings of the girl anymore. He told me that during the time that he was in pain because I can’t love him more than a best friend the girl was there. And that was the time that he just accept the fact that we are just friends. One thing is only clear to me, PAIN… a painful regret that I’m protecting him to be in that situation before but little did I know I caused him pain. That I broke his heart when I made a choice. I decided to avoid him, but where do I start? Everything just reminds me of him. And he told me, “when you hurt me, I did not avoid you, I just stay here, beside you, specially when you need me.” But our situation now is different I chose friendship before and he is choosing another girl now. How painful that could be?

After 2 days of thinking, crying and reminiscing, I decided to stay with my crazy best friend to bring back the harmonious relationship that we have, to pretend that nothing happened. I wish I could do it but I’m just on my 1st week of trying, I already gave up. I can’t take the pain that I’m feeling whenever he is with me. Somehow he is different now, he will no longer be the crazy best friend that I had before. He is too serious now. And we can never be more than friends and that hurts me more. I missed him so much, his care, his concern, his effort, his time, the way he says “Good morning Miss Nerd”, “I missed you Miss Nerd”, “I’m home Miss Nerd, thanks for your time”. Oh! how stupid I am not to noticed it before.

Now I decided to stay away, till the pain goes away. Until the old us will be back. I know it’s not easy to do it. But for now that is the only way that I can think of which will be better for both of us. And maybe its crazy but I’m still hoping that someday, when the right time comes, we will find ourselves together with a happy ever after…..

“A Painful Regret”

27 Jan

I want to share this painful story that I printed and put on my collections way back 2007.

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Regret is a feeling that we carry with ourselves to our graves. It is an intense and immensely painful feeling especially if it’s a regret about something which we did not do or say to our loved one.

Have you ever been afraid to do something? And regret after realizing: “I wish I have the courage back then… maybe I’m happy now..”

Read this story and be inspired to do something different.

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called “best friend”. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it.

After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

11th grade:

The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn’t want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.

She looked at me, said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy and I don’t know why.

Senior year:

The day before prom she walked to my locker. “My date is sick” she said; he’s not going to go well, I don’t have a date, and In 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as “best friends”. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine. but she isn’t think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said “I had the best time, thanks!” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Graduation Day:

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, “you’re my best friend, thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m too shy, and I don’t know why.

A Few Years Later:

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say “I do” and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said “you came!”. She said “thanks” and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Funeral:

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my “best friend”. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read:

I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn’t notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love him but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!

I wish I did too…. I thought to myself, and I cried.

 

 

“The so called….1st Love”

15 Jan

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Love is blind. Love is like a rosary that full of mysteries. Love is kind and it is not selfish. Love is like a bubble gum that sticks on your heart. These are the common definitions of love when you asked a certain elementary or high school student. Going back on my childhood days, these are some of the answers when I read the slam books or autographs of my classmates to the question: What is love? And the answer that I have is always, Love is a loneliness of one, a happiness of two and a problem of three. I got this definition from one of my high school teachers.

As I grow up, I’ve learned that there is no exact definition of the word love. The only person who can define love is you. There is no right or wrong answer. And I’ve learned that as you grow older you get a deeper meaning of the word love. You will start to defined it and talked about it according to your experience. And it will all start with the so called 1st love.

When we fall in love we don’t want that feeling to end. Especially if it is your first love. The feeling is so extreme. You are willing to give     everything just to make it work. Sometimes you don’t even want to listen to the people around you. The only one that matters is your love. You are so excited whenever that person is near. Since your feeling is so intense, you can’t even explain it in words. And you are willing to spend the rest of your life with that person. From a bad mood, that person is the only key to shift you into good mood. He/She is your everything, your inspiration and your love. You are always happy especially if that person loves you too. Happy to the extend that you will wish it will be forever.

As the song goes, forever is just a word. There were only few people who met the happy ever after with their so called first love. Most of us who experienced the bitter sweet taste of our first love moved on and tried to find another love and we cling to the saying “love is sweeter the second time around”. Some people cling with this “If there is a 1st love, there is 2nd, 3rd and so on”. Which ever saying you cling to just to moved on after the failure of your 1st love, one thing is for sure, that saying made you stronger and find another one. Let me share to you what statement sticks in my heart during my 1st heart break. “There he goes, my so called 1st love, he will always be special in my heart but someday, somehow, someone will find me and I will always save my last love for that deserving man who is better than my 1st love”.

It took me almost 4-5 years to get over with my 1st love. I tried my best to forget as fast as I can but I can’t force my heart to do so. And from there I discovered that the only cure to a broken heart is another love. Yes, I fell in love again and that was the time that I realized that I’m over him. Though they say that “1st love never dies” time will come that you will be get over him/her, but in your heart he will always be there but only a memory from the past, who made you happy during those times.

In my experience my 1st love and I acted so matured about the past. We are still friends. I never hated him nor avoided him. After all that we’ve been through, of all the happiness, memories and heart aches, he will always be my so called….1st love and I will always be the BEST GIRL that he never had.

CERTIFIED!!! :-) Naiah Donna Laxa’s pro

11 Jan

CERTIFIED!!! :-)
Naiah Donna Laxa’s profile at HootSuite University http://ow.ly/gItlU

My Dream Board (a painted picture of mine)

8 Jan

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What is a dream?

A dream is a story that you create to express your unconscious self. Although your unconscious is an area of your self that you are often unaware of, it drives most of your waking actions and needs. However as a rational human being, you tend to consciously filter out that wider awareness and usually only experience it when you dream.

Even though a dream just appears to be something that happens to you, it is an experience that you actually construct yourself by using your own creativity and ingenuity. From the sunlight glinting on a distant window to the bubbles rising in the champagne flute you are holding, you generate an entire world that vividly reflects who you are, where you want to go in life and how you can get there.

By becoming more aware of your dreams and how they express your unconscious awareness, you can bring them into the reality of your waking life and begin to live your dreams, rather than constantly searching for them. Dreaming is the most natural and powerful way for you to connect with your true purpose and potential. (Ian Wallace)

A dream is a picture in your head that appears when you’re sleeping. Usually whatever you dream about is related some way to your life and something that has happened or is going to happen, it can show you your feeling about certain things. (Wiki)

“Can you define your dream for your life? If not, now’s the time. The first step in going after a dream is knowing what you want. What is it that you envision yourself doing with your life? What’s that passion that makes you jump out of your skin with excitement and makes you feel whole when you are doing it? What is that giant goal for your life that you keep tucked away and strive for?” (chasing the dreams) I saw these post on the internet and I begun to wonder and created my own.

A Painted Picture of Mine

I start opening my eyes, thinking where am I? Oh! The bed is so soft. Those paintings on the wall, I know they are expensive just upon looking at them. And the room! Yes the room is so spacious! Slowly, I turn my head on the left side, there he is! The most handsome man I’ve seen in the whole world, my husband. Slowly he opens his eyes and says “good morning baby” and kiss me quickly before I utter my response. Then I flash my sweetest smile.

Oh! Yes I’m very contented and happy with my life at 27. I’m married with the most loving man in the world. He runs his own business. He can easily make out a deal with his clients. He is very responsible and caring. And I know he will be a good father. Yes, we are planning to have our first baby next year. And when that time comes, he wants me to rest and focus with our baby while he is still on my womb. He said that our baby is a baby boy and he is very positive with that. I can’t help but smile whenever we are talking about this, well I want a baby boy as well, and I’m always being carried away by him being an optimistic.

He wants me to rest for a while from my own business. I own bookstores and as of this moment I’m on the process of opening my 4th branch. I know it will be a success just like the first 3. I always dream of this, me having my own bookstores. I love reading and collecting books. And I know from then that in the future I will be having my own business in line with this. And positive as ever, here I am running my own bookstores.

I get up and open the French door and from the veranda I can see everything. Our swimming pool and 3 model cars in the garage. The Lamborghini was my husband’s present on my last birthday. The Mercedes Benz is my husband’s car and I have my own BMW ever since I started doing my business.

Everything is fine and I’m doing well. Monday to Friday is our day of work but Saturday and Sunday we are very strict about this, that this is our family day. Saturday is our bonding time. And we have to visit our parents every Sunday. Maybe we will make some adjustments once our 1st born is already here.

We will be going to Paris next week and I am so exited. It will be my first time there and I really want to see the Eiffel Tower. I will be taking my 1 week vacation. And I can’t wait till next week. Most of the time I am so overwhelm of what I have now and how happy I am, it’s just so much that I want to cry, as in tears of joy. These is just all dream before and now they are all real.

iPhone5 VS Samsung S3

20 Dec

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In a world where technology evades and fast growing there is this In-depth comparison in mobile world.  For the past few months people keep talking about this 2 latest editions of phones coming from two different brand, Apple and Samsung. Yes! I’m talking about Apple iPhone 5 VS Samsung Galaxy S3. A serious competition is going on with this 2 phones since they were released in the market. People start comparing and asking what is the best phone for them.

Apple iPhone 5 vs. Samsung Galaxy S3  In depth comparison   Digital Trends

The iPhone 5 is a touchscreen-based smartphone developed by Apple. It is the sixth generation of the iPhone and succeeds the iPhone 4S. The phone is a slimmer, lighter model that introduces a higher-resolution, 4-inch screen to the series with 16:9 widescreen aspect ratio support. The phone also includes a custom-designed ARMv7 processor called the Apple A6, an update to Apple’s mobile operating system known as iOS6 and support for LTE.  Apple held an event to formally introduce the phone on September 12, 2012. After Apple began taking pre-orders on September 14, 2012, over two million were received within 24 hours. Initial demand for the iPhone 5 exceeded the supply available at launch on September 21, 2012, and has been described by Apple as “extraordinary”, with pre-orders having sold twenty times faster than its predecessors. (Wiki)

samsung

The Samsung Galaxy S III is a multi-touch, slate-format smartphone running the Android operating system. It is designed, developed, and marketed by Samsung Electronics. It sees additional software features, expanded hardware, and a redesigned physique from its predecessor, the Samsung Galaxy SII. The S III employs an intelligent personal assistant (S Voice) , eye-tracking ability, increased storage, and a wireless charging option. Depending on country, the 4.8-inch (120 mm) smartphone comes with different processors and RAM capacity, and 4G LTE support. The device was launched with Android 4.0.4 “Ice Cream Sandwich”, and can be updated to Android 4.1 “Jelly Bean”. Following an eighteen-month development phase, Samsung unveiled the S III on 3 May 2012 in London. The device was released in 28 European and Middle Eastern countries on 29 May 2012, before being progressively released in other major markets in June 2012. Prior to release, 9 million pre-orders were placed by more than 100 carriers globally. The S III was released by approximately 300 carriers in nearly 150 countries at the end of July 2012. More than 20 million units of the S III were sold within the first 100 days of release. Samsung has since sold more than 30 million devices. (Wiki)

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Now, above photo is a snap-shot of a tool I used to do some comparison in terms of Social Media. Using these search queries for iPhone 5, “iphone5″ OR “iphone 5″ OR “#iphone5″ OR “@iphone5″ and for Samsung Galaxy S3, “samsung s3″ OR “samsung galaxy s3″ OR “GalaxySIII” OR “@S3Galaxy” OR “@samsungs3″ OR “samsungsiii”. Running these search in my tool to see comparison. And I’ve found out that iPhone 5 got more mentions as compared to Samsung Galaxy S3 weather it is Blogs, News, Forums and Twitter. (sysomos map)

Both phones has their own advantages and disadvantages. But at the end of everything, still only you has the power to decide which phone suits you, your personality. You might be influenced by some people, friends and relatives but it is still you can decide which phone can make you happy and contented. Here are some links you want to check if you are still confuse. (digital trends and trusted reviews)

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