“#TOTGA – The One That God Allowed”

TOTGA? Yes, for Millennials it stands for “The One That Got Away”. Do you have someone who got away? Or are you the one who got away?

Romantic people believe that once in your life time you will have this one who got away. That once upon a time he/she was your everything. That long time ago, you started making plans for your future with this someone. That during those moments he/she was your happiness, your life. (Funny it may seems but I know you are thinking of that someone as of this moment)

Then one day you woke up everything just vanished. Everything becomes nothing. Plans remained plans and will never be put into reality. Happiness becomes sadness as you watch yourself breaking into pieces.It was like a nightmare! You want to wake up but nobody is there to wake you up. So you need to do your best to wake up! Only to find out that it was not a nightmare but rather a reality. A reality that you don’t want to believe in. A reality that he/she was gone and you were left there hanging and you can’t accept it.

Then suddenly you will ask, why? What is wrong with you? You’ve been good. You did everything for him/her. Aren’t you enough? Why you were left behind? Insecurities is eating you up and self confidence starts crushing. There are no comforting words. All you want to do is to cry and shut yourself to the whole world.

But remember God will never give you the wrong person. Because there will always be someone that God prepared just for you. You may not meet him/her today but in God’s perfect time, every thing that is happening now will make sense and you will realize that it’s all worth it. If someone has got away, then there will always be the one that God will allow. God has allowed this person to put your every broken pieces back together. God has allowed this someone to completely heal you to allow yourself to be happy again, to love again. And God has allowed this someone to stay because this time you are with the right person.

Find that courage and determination to stand up and wave your hands as you say goodbye without a heavy heart to the one that got away.

To My TOTGA – The One That Got Away,
Maybe it was not easy for you as well but you are lucky. You are lucky not to experience this nightmare, this pain, this insecurity, and this fear to face the world again, to start again and to love again. I forgive you. I forgive you not because you’ve asked for it or not because you acknowledge the misery you’ve caused me but because my heart deserves peace. I deserve to move on and to move forward. I deserve to be happy. Maybe, just maybe, in another life, there was still a part of me saying, I will make you stay and we will be happy but I know now that this lifetime is my reality and someday, somehow, I will have my TOTGA and this time it will be my “The One That God Allowed”.

Author’s Note: I do not own the title “The One That God Allowed”, credits to the person who owns this. On my part I just heard it from a sister in Christ and was inspired to write something about it.

Remember, You Are God’s Warrior Full Of Hope!

Hope, a simple word but when gone, everything in life collapses.
Have you ever felt hopeless?
When everything is falling apart.
When everything is fading away.
When you feel empty.
When everyone vanishes and there is no one there but you.
When you are in the verge of giving up in this life time.
Problems upon problems.
Sorrows after sorrow.
Failures and then another failure.
An infinite cycle that makes you tired.
Indeed this feeling was never easy!
Then you will ask yourself, will this ever end?

But maybe you are wrong all along.
Because all through out you are just relying to yourself.
You forgot that when all else fails and everything falls out of your control there is still someone out there for you.
Someone who never forsaken you.
Someone who was there from the beginning and will always be with you until everything will be okay.
My dear, God is that someone you forgot but never forgotten you all through out your journey in this life.
He is the one who brings light to your hopelessness.
That unworthy as you are, He is and will always be there to embrace you.
You just have to learn the beauty of surrendering everything to Him.
Believe when God said He is with you, always and forever.

No one ever promised that life will be easy, however you are the chauffeur of your own life.
The decision for every direction is up to you.
Will you be at the wrong side or will you choose the right path?
The road to the right path may not always be a trouble-free road.
Along with it is a rocky road indeed, but with God’s grace there will always be hope.
A hope that you will get by.
A hope that this too shall pass.
A hope that better days are coming.
A hope that you are never alone.

So my dear,
When everything is falling apart, hope more.
When everything is fading away, hope more.
When you feel empty, hope more.
When everyone vanishes and there is no one there but you, hope more.
When you are in the verge of giving up in this life time, hope more.
Remember, you are God’s warrior full of hope!

“I Got You! Remember?” – God

It is as if I am in the midst of a battle and I am struggling to win this fight. That feeling of hopelessness and suddenly you just want to drop your sword and give in. But you are still trying to get all the possible strength that you can get just to win this so called “Battle of Life”.
Every time I stumble and fall, I am trying to get up and keep my guards up. It is not easy but I am trying my very best, God knows I do.

Then I fall, it is as if Life is saying “Keep Trying!” then I fall again, it is as if Life is saying “Try Harder!” but every time I tried, I kept falling, it is as if Life is saying “Now give up!”. One problem lead to another and so on. It’s a never ending problem. I know that I am brave, that I can do this! But deep inside this Armour is a weeping child that slowly breaking down in the middle of this so called “Battle of Life”. Physically you are there standing, trying to be strong, but emotionally you are tired and slowly you are losing your grips to hope, to faith.

Most of the time, I know I am slowly losing it. It is as if I can’t stand up anymore. Like I just want to give in and give up the fight. But then again, when I am in the verge of releasing my hands to that only reason why I am still here standing and only reason why I am still holding on and that is my faith in God, He is just in time! Slowly He released my hands and said “My child, this time I will hold your hands to make sure that you won’t lose your grips from Me. I got you! Remember?”.

Then realization hit me! No matter how big your problem, never forget that we have a bigger God. That unworthy as we are, He is always there to embrace us, to accept us and to love us. He can hear even our most silent plea. We just have to trust the process. And let His will be done. He is just preparing us for something big and something better. Remember that just like a glowing stick bracelet, we need to be bent or to be broken little by little to finally see the glowing light, to finally see the beauty of what God has in store for us.

Truly God is so amazing! He is never early or late. He is just perfectly in time. He knows our worries, our sorrows and our pains. He will never let us down. So, despite of unending problems, I’ve learned to smile and let God. I’ve learned the beauty of surrendering everything to Him. Because at the end of the day, I know that He is always with me. I can hear Him saying “I Got You! Remember?”.

“Like A Stress Free Child”

When I was young, I wanted to grow as fast as I could so that I can work – earn money and help my parents. And now, for almost 14 years I’ve been working, there are times that I wish I could go back… I wish I could go back to that young girl…

That young girl that full of hope, joy and love. That sweet little girl that does not worry of anything but only loves to play, eat and sleep. Most of the time I envy that little girl. Well, don’t get me wrong, I am thankful to the life that I have now, it is just sometimes it is nice to go back when things are not yet complicated.

Just recently, I was walking by and I saw a little boy that full of joy while he is in his father’s arms. Then as I continue walking, I saw the excitement in the eyes of a little girl while her mother is handing her a cotton candy. I also saw a young boy who trip over, got wounded, cried a little and when his brother helped him to get up, I saw that happiness and courage in his face.

It was in that same moment when realization hit me. Life maybe difficult now, unending problems, to much thinking, worrying of everything, making important decisions, struggling with finances and a whole lot more that you can’t ever imagine, but it is actually how you see life that matters. You can always count on your parents, families, friends and loved ones whenever you feel exhausted. You can always be happy on simple things. And whenever you stumble and fall, you can always get up and have that courage in your heart.

Whenever you feel tired, you can always step back and go back to where you started so that you will be reminded again of those reasons why you are doing everything and keep fighting despite of the hardships that life is throwing you. Sometimes we tend to worry a lot and we are so focus on moving forward and beating the deadline on the timeline we set for our-lives. But most of the time, we need to stop and step back to see a clearer vision of our purpose in life. And remember, no matter what your age is, you can always be like a stress free child ready to face the world whatever life may throw at you.

“The Best Version Of Myself”

Life has never been easy for me. It is indeed a roller coaster ride. I wish I’ve experienced more ups but today, when I looked back, mostly I am down this past few years. My patience and faith in God are being tested each day. There was a time that I thought I was blind because all I can see was darkness. My positivity was shaken. Slowly, my hope is fading. I feel like drowning. It is a never-ending problem. An extreme ride indeed!

But despite of all these? I love life! Yes, I do! These life struggles will always be a constant reminder whenever I look back on my life, that I am strong. Stronger than those superheroes I used to adore. A simple proof that I am loved. That God’s love for me is overflowing, everlasting, never failing and never ending. A proof that God will always send some angels and will always provide. Because despite of all these, here I am standing still and ready to face everything!

Maybe this life had caused me pains and failures, but these pains and failures will always serve as life lessons for me to strive more and do my best for the succeeding years until those dreams are finally mine! Maybe there were some situations that gave me all the reasons to give up in life and let go of hope but with God’s grace I was able to overcome everything. I’ve learned the beauty of waiting and trusting in His plans. That truly, He will never let me down.

This is the best version of me saying: Thank you Lord! Thank you for all the laughters and tears. Thank you for all my ups and downs. Thank you for all the good and bad memories. Thank you because I’ve met new people that slowly became a big part of me, they became my extra source of happiness and strength. I will always consider this life as a beautiful gift. I am now ready to rock the world with the best version of myself.

Note: A revision of my Thank You 2019

“It’s Okay Not To Be Okay”

Struggles teach us on how to be strong. Failures teach us to get up and stand firm. Success teaches us to keep going and strive for more. In this so called life, we learn from our experiences. Experiences that make us tough as we move along. And most of the time these experiences harden our hearts. Because we thought that’s how life it should be. That we need to be brave at all times. That there is no room for cry babies. We thought tears are just for weak and a manifestation of failure, so we need to be okay all the time.

But at some point in time you will feel tired. Sometimes you just want to breakdown and cry. It is as if you are a candle melting. But you are clinging to that thought that everybody needs you to be brave because they are counting on you. And they admire your courage and shedding tears is not an option. Most of the time you are hiding your pain under those smiles in your lips, but your eyes are the real reflection of what you are feeling and what you are going through. Because if they can only see you through, deep inside this heart of stone is a heart that is full of emotions. Emotions that you keep hiding for the people you love, for the people whose source of strength is you.

As you move forward, you’ve learned how to fake it. That whenever they are asking if you are okay, you can easily say: “I am okay!” with conviction. That even those who are close to you will believe that you are just okay and everything within you is just fine. Even the truth is – your world is already shaking. Yes, you are strong as everybody is expecting you to be. But was there a time or maybe at least a glimpse of thought that you’ve asked yourself how it feels like to be comforted of the people you love? How it feels like to be wrapped in their arms while telling them your fears and worries? What it feels like to admit that you are not okay at all?

My dear, this time believe me when I say, It’s okay not to be okay. Shedding tears does not mean you are weak or you are a failure. When everything is fading and it seems that life is so unkind, and everything is not falling into right place, it’s okay to cry. It’s just fine to say that you are not okay. Because maybe this is what you need to be okay again and exactly what you need to move forward in life. Remember, your weaknesses do not define you. And as one song says “even the best fall down sometimes”, don’t be so harsh on yourself. Cry if you must, but after that make sure to get up and keep going, because the true measure of bravery is not about how many times you win in this battle of life but rather how many times you get up every time you stumble and fall.

“The Stronger Version Of Me”

Today, I decided to welcome every day with the best version of me. The past few years taught me on how to be stronger and here I am standing still and ready to face each day. I’ve learned to trust God’s plans because I know He has better plans for me. It will always be His will and not mine, I just need to wait patiently, and I know everything will be okay in God’s own perfect timing. 

As I face life today and the succeeding days, I’ve just realized how my pains and failures back then melted me and molded me to be the best version of myself. Now I know that it was part of God’s plans, to prepare me and to be better and stronger each day. A preparation that is full of life lessons and life encouragements that will always be forever in my heart. These life lessons and life encouragements will be my shield and sword to face each coming day.

I am excited on what each day have in store for me! Because I know the best is yet to come! Happiness, good health, good career, good life, love, faith and more blessings maybe. Pains, failures, sorrows, struggles and life difficulties? I am ready for these! My heart is full of encouragement and positivity because I know now that God will never let me down and will never abandon me so bring it on! 

One thing is for sure, whatever life may throw to me today, I will never give up… I will never let go of my hopes and my faith in God will never be shaken. Because I know, as long as God is with me, everything is possible. I am ready to rock my every day with the stronger version of me!

Note: A revised version of my Hello 2020.

“Hello 2020”

Dearest 2020,

I welcome you today with the best version of me. 2019 taught me to be stronger and here I am standing still and ready to face you. I won’t ask you to be good to me but rather I will trust God’s plans because I know He has better plans for me. It will always be His will and not mine, I just need to wait patiently and I know everything will be okay in God’s own perfect timing. 

As I face you today and your succeeding days, I’ve just realized how my pains and failures back in 2019 melted me and molded me to be the best version of myself. Now I know that it was part of God’s plans, to prepare me and to be more better and stronger this year. A preparation that is full of life lessons and will always be forever in my heart. Those life lessons will be my shield and sword to face you in the coming days.

I am excited on what you have in store for me! Because I know the best is yet to come! Happiness, good health, good career, good life, love, faith and more blessings maybe. Pains, failures, sorrows, struggles and life difficulties? I am ready for these! My heart is full of encouragement and positivity because I know now that God will never let me down and will never abandon me so bring it on! 

One thing is for sure, whatever you will throw in my life this year, I will never give up… I will never let go of my hopes and my faith in God will never be shaken. Because I know, as long as God is with me, everything is possible. I am ready to rock 2020!

Love,

The Stronger Version of Me

“Thank You 2019!”

Dearest 2019,

You’ve never been so easy. It was indeed a roller coaster ride. I wish I’ve experienced more ups but today, when I looked back… mostly, I am down this year… My patience and faith in God was tested this whole year. There was this time that I thought I was blind because all I can see was darkness. My positivity was shaken. Slowly, my hope was fading. I felt like drowning. It was a never ending problems. An extreme ride indeed!

But despite of all these? I love you, you know. Yes, I do! Because my 2019 will always be a constant reminder whenever I looked back in my life, that I am strong. Stronger than those superheroes I used to adore. You are a proof that I am loved. That God’s love for me is overflowing, everlasting, never failing and never ending. A proof that God will always send some angels and will always provide. Because despite of all these, here I am on your last day, standing still and ready to face 2020!

Maybe you had caused me pains and failures but these pains and failures will always serve as life lessons for me to strive more and do my best for the succeeding years until those dreams are finally mine! Maybe you gave me all the reasons to give up in life and let go of hope but with God’s grace I was able to overcome everything. I’ve learned the beauty of waiting and trusting in His plans. That truly, He will never let me down.

But above all these, I want to thank you, my dearest 2019. Thank you for all the laughters and tears. Thank you for all my ups and downs. Thank you for all the good and bad memories. Thank you because I’ve met new people that slowly became a big part of me, they became my extra source of happiness and strength. You will always be a part of me. A beautiful reminiscence indeed! Thank you! And now I can say, 2020 here I am! Stronger than ever! So bring it on!

Love,
The Best Version of Me

“My child, this time I will hold your hands to make sure that you won’t lose your grips from Me. I got you!” – God

It is as if I am in the midst of a battle and I am struggling to win this fight…
That feeling of hopelessness and suddenly you just want to drop your sword and give in…
But you are still trying to get all the possible strength that you can get just to win this so called “Battle of Life”.
Every time I stumble and fall, I am trying to get up and keep my guards up.
It is not easy but I am trying my very best, God knows I do.
Then I fall, it is as if Life is saying “Keep Trying!” then I fall again, it is as if Life is saying “Try Harder!” but every time I tried… I kept falling, it is as if Life is saying “Now give up!”.
One problem lead to another and so on… it’s a never ending problem…
I am brave enough to shout, “Come on! Give it all! I want more!” but deep inside this Armour is a weeping child that slowly breaking down in the middle of this so called “Battle of Life”. Physically you are there standing, trying to be strong… but emotionally you are tired and slowly you are losing your grips to hope… to faith..
I am now losing it, I can’t stand up anymore, I just want to give in and give up the fight…
But then again, when I am in the verge of releasing my hands to that only reason why I am still here standing and only reason why I am still holding on and that is my faith in God…
God is just in time… slowly He released my hands and said “My child, this time I will hold your hands to make sure that you won’t lose your grips from Me. I got you!”.
Truly God is so amazing, He is never early or late, He is just perfectly in time. He knows our worries, our sorrows and our pains. He will never let us down. So, despite of unending problems, I’ve learned to smile and let God. Because at the end of the day, I know… I have a bigger God and His love is never ending and never failing.